Sharing reflections on living past the age my parent died. I have reached my Bonus Round.
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Living Past The Age My Parent Died
It will probably come as no surprise that losing a parent at a “younger” age will change you.
My mother, whom I was very close to, almost died due to complications of cancer when I was 9. When I was 16 my mother’s cancer returned. She fought a brutal year-long battle and passed away when I was 17.
At the time, you go through stages of grief, but I am not sure I understood how this loss would change my life view throughout my life.
This was a photo right before her death and the last family photo of us all.
I did share about the loss of my mother here.
I believe a lot of people who have lost a loved one view life events through the lens of that loss.
- First time doing a shared event without them
- The first year
- A marriage
- Birth of a child
- The moment you have lived more of your life without them than with them (for me that was age 35)
- And, the moment you have outlived them.
My mother had just turned 53 when she passed. I just turned 53 and will enter what I am now calling my BONUS ROUND.
THE BONUS ROUND
I think I have figured this out, however. If you reach and then pass the age at which a parent died, consider each year added a gift. – Dena Kouremetis
Since my view now includes living past the age my parent died, it’s seems like the “gravy” in life.
So what does a bonus round look like? Will I jump off cliffs and climb Mt. Everest? I think not, but I guess I never know. They say never say never, right?
That’s not the big take away though.
For me, this is different than a choice of living your “best life” like a New Year’s Resolution. I am not deciding to appreciate my life. It’s more of a natural thought process that comes as easy as breathing. It feels like a brain change that happens when you lose a parent. Your lens has changed.
While my lens was marked by events that she was not a part of, and still will continue to have those times, I now feel there is an addition. The addition of living past the age she reached. The extra things that you can get with age:
As my oldest brother, pictured below stated, she didn’t have a time when she lived without kids in the home. It’s me, I am the problem..it’s me. I was still at home!
At the time she passed, my parents didn’t own a home.
My mother didn’t get to travel, except to visit family, which wasn’t really in the budget.
I have no idea how many of these extra days I get, but I know that whatever days I do have it was more than what my mother got. That is always in the back of my mind.
I am grateful for the experiences, the life I have, and the moments that I will continue to have on this crazy train of life.
This is my bonus round!
OTHER SALVAGE MOMENTS POSTS
We are all about making the most with what you got and that includes moments. Here are a few more posts you can check out: